Sometimes I know people's motivations right away. Usually with strangers.

But in relationships, I can become sort of like Mister Magoo. I just don't have the clearest vision, sometimes, with people I love.

Great ability to see things I want to, though.

Like M.M., I'm probably only here by constant, unnoticed coincidence/miracles. Today one was humblingly clear.

I have a kind of seeing eye dog (?), that I don't deserve, in my friends. I got some solid counsel last night that really nosed my diapered tush away from the deep end.

And I'm noticing some stuff.

I want to be an artist. And in my world that takes self-confidence. Not in front of a crowd or whatever. But I mean, when I write, I need to believe I have some basic integrity, or I'm not all there to have fun with words. Some of my energy, somewhere, is hung up back wherever integrity slipped.

For me, part of integrity is treating living...entities well, and doing what you can to keep harm from coming to them.

By "well" I don't necessarily mean all niceynice. Some medicine tastes bad. The kind my friend gave me last night did. But there's a difference between bad-tasting medicine and, like, unnecessary surgery just to get someone's fucking money.

The thing is, I have to admit and live, now, that "living entities" includes myself. Integrity also means keeping harm from being done to me.

That's very easy to say and may be very hard to live but I'm going to try.